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Up Topic Discussion / Miscellaneous Discussion / Living full time as a woman
- - By Bobbi-b Date 2010-05-07 13:54
Just curious girls. How many of you are living full time as a female. That means dressing and working at your job as a female.
Bobbi-b
Parent - By Eudeita Date 2010-05-07 15:03
Not me,...I'm proceeding with the idea of being androg, until I can't pass that way anymore.  Dreesed up last night however, for a TG association meeting. 
Parent - - By Dianna Date 2010-05-07 15:14

> How many of you are living full time as a female.


Just so that readers of this thread are aware --

Throughout the TG/TS communities, and throughout the past 50 years of our community's history,
almost all TG/TS people reach a point in their transition where they discover "The Secret",
and they then tend to leave the online community....
...they tend to no longer post to any online web sites.

They usually also stop attending support group meetings.

There is also the problem that the vast majority of people in this community who do live full time en femme,
have "jumped the fence", instead of doing a proper transition...
and in "jumping the fence", have lost/forfeited everything....
they have lost their income source, their own place to live, etc.,

... they no longer have access to computers.

Many turn to sex work, just so they can eat and find an indoor bed each night

I have been involved in SO many of these cases through the years...

So please do not be disappointed or discouraged if there are few responses to your question here --

.
Parent - By Bobbi-b Date 2010-05-07 16:02
Hi Dianna,
Thank you for your reply. You seem like such an understanding woman. The reason I raised the question was that I was going out a lot as a female and had no problems at all so for the last six months I decided that shucks I'm just going to bite the bullet and go completely female.I changed jobs. It was in an office with mostly guys and I just couldn't face going into the office dressed as a female. I'm going to school at night to pursue a career as a medical tech. The school got me a job in an medical office. It's very large with lots of females. I'm doing clerical work right now but they are teaching me to assist the doctors like taking the patients blood pressure, temp.,weight. I like it because I get to interact with the patient. Hope to stay in touch with all the girls here.They all seem wonderful. I only hope that they will be s happy as me. Thanks again Dinna.
Love,
Bobb-b
Parent - By Dianna Date 2010-05-08 00:42

> they then tend to leave the online community....
> ...they tend to no longer post to any online web sites.
> They usually also stop attending support group meetings.


There are a few VERY special people who are willing to stay active and help other people...

Dakota Lynn is one of those very special people;
so is Tracy-O...
and several other girls here.....

.
Parent - By Keds Date 2010-05-31 11:09
I do Bobbi! I been full time for um well over 5 yrs now.I stay here just to see how every ones doing but I don't look every day since I have real life things to take care of but I am here.Dianna is great to ask questions to.I still do from time to time not often though only when I have a concern.
Parent - By gwen Date 2010-06-02 18:42
Hi Bobbi
Sorry it took Me so long to reply,Ive pretty much decided to take it as it goes,like Popeye,I yam what I Yam,so they can find someone else to pick at if it bothers them that much.(read My post to Janet about breast photos)
Pretty hard to dress like a girl in the autobody shop,and God knows I still need the money<never was some big huge Guy anyway,no John Wayne here,I weigh a whopping 140# soaking wet,and I find it harder to do the guy thing these days
Ime a long time member of a certain 12 step program,so I try to take one day at a time,I hope this helps,put one foot in front of the other and do the next right thing.
Gwen
Parent - By LadySheila Date 2010-06-07 22:12
Hello,
I have been living full time since the age of 18 and I am 51 now. 
Parent - - By Bcomingbrenda Date 2010-06-17 14:35
Not quite the topic posted but I've notice there's many here that were traditionally married and/or are remaining that way too. Though some wives are unknowing at the time of the posts I've read, it must be a blessing to have the support. My situation is too lengthy of a post but I know the ending will be the crash of a long marriage. 
As Dianna has said, so many of us lose everything but like so much in life, preparation will be the key.
Parent - - By similacra28 Date 2010-06-17 14:54

> situation is too lengthy of a post but I know the
> ending will be the crash of a long marriage.
> As Dianna has said, so many of us lose everything
> but like so much in life, preparation will be the
> key.


It does NOT have to be that way.  It really doesn't.

If you truly love your spouse and if you truly want to maintain a strong relationship with her then simply decide for it to be that way.  What I am saying is "thoughts ARE reality".  So if you focus on saying "for me to become a woman, then my marriage will crash" , that IS what will happen.  Instead, if you say "its important to me to move toward womanhood AND I will continue to work hard at showing my wife how much I love and appreciate her because I am gratefull for what she brings in my life" , then that IS what will happen.

The point is you DON'T know the future.  You DON'T really know what she will decide.  So instead keep positive, take it slow, and give her all the love and support she deserves and more.  Let the universe take your intention and work out the details of "HOW IT WILL WORK".  Afterall, what do you really have to lose by being optimistic and positive??

Patricia
Parent - - By Bcomingbrenda Date 2010-06-17 15:46
Thanks Patricia,
I'm not dooming this with my attitude. It's the events that point that way. A snapshot would be her words.."you must get some therapy to get those deviancies out of your system" 
I long to be close to her but as a male fall short of it.
Parent - By similacra28 Date 2010-06-19 21:03
Remember . . .

People will often say things that hurt for many reasons.  Maybe she is feeling hurt, betrayed, lost, scared, or who knows what else.

If you want to be close to her, then do it.  What is holding you back?  You don't have to be specifically a man or a woman to be close to someone, do you???

Also remember that changing your body will not necessarily repair or doom your relationships.  It is just like being happy.  You must love yourself and be happy FIRST.  Then, if that happiness takes you through a transition that affects your body then that is where it goes.  Far too often, many TG/TS people think that changing their body (i.e. growing breasts and getting SRS) will fix everything.  And when they have finally "finished" it all they only come to find that they are STILL unhappy and their relationships are STILL a mess.  Unfortunately, many suicides come as a result . . .

Like Dianna said . . . be prepared to lose everything, but DO NOT focus on the potential losses.  Instead, focus on putting effort into building the things that are important to you.  (in this case your wife, her happiness, and ultimately your own happiness)
Parent - By Carolynanne Date 2010-06-24 01:48
Brenda,

    With using words like "deviance" it is clear that she doesn't understand what it is to be who we are. It isn't a deviance or a disorder, it is a form of birth defect in most of us in my opinion. It isn't a conscious decision that we wake up one day and decide we want to be a woman. It is who we are. To put it bluntly, you have to be happy with and for yourself before you can be happy with someone else. She does have a valid point, you.....when you are ready.....should seek a TS friendly therapist to discuss your issues and go from there to make yourself happy.

    It simply amazes me that if you are born with some other kind of birth defect there are operations and procedures to correct most of them, but when it comes to being transgender people scoff and are rather disgusted with the idea. Society has created a fear in alot of us that is overwhelmingly hard to get over and even harder to deal with as you go through your transformation. Whoever said it is correct, most of us do lose everything to become who we truely are, but in the long run that is life. Deciding to go down this path is a hard one, but not going down this path is even harder.

    I started seeing a therapist every other week about three months ago. The last time I went dressed en fem, which she did not expect. She looked at me and said, "you are ready" and has decided to recommend me for hormone replacement therapy. It is just a matter of time before I will start it now. I sincerely can't wait. It is a long road ahead, but one I have come to look forward to for a very long time now.

    My purpose in telling you that little story is to show you that eventually we all reach a point where the woman inside refuses to stay inside and the desire to become who we are is becomes greater than the fear we have of the world around us.

Hugs and best wishes,
Carolyn

PS. if you need to talk sometime you can email me at tgcarolynanne@yahoo.com. I check it quite often both day and night. Take care hun.
Parent - - By Carolynanne Date 2010-06-24 06:09
Bren, when you are ready and you think your wife is ready, there is a book called "My husband wears my clothes" which is written from a wife's perspective about her trans/crossdressing husband. It may prove to be handy and explain things more clearly than you could yourself.

Hugs,
Carolyn
Parent - - By Bcomingbrenda Date 2010-06-24 06:19
Thanks for the tip CA. There's so much information out there now with the help of the web, it seems like saturation. However a book that brings great information to the table is welcome too. Much more portable if nothing else.
Oh, and out of respect, I never wore her clothes. Now I have slept in her nightgown a time or two while she was out of town. Lowrdy that felt so smooth and natural. Why would anyone, male or female, not want that feeling when they go to sleep? And what a great way to start the day. ;-)
Parent - - By Carolynanne Date 2010-06-24 08:57
There is also another book I found called "She is not the man I married", but since I'm not married I haven't really looked into it.
Parent - By Monica Date 2010-06-24 15:11
It is also a good book.
Parent - - By Dianna Date 2010-06-17 22:04

> My situation is too lengthy of a post but I know the ending will be the crash of a long marriage.
> As Dianna has said, so many of us lose everything but like so much in life, preparation will be the key.


There are really two issues here.

First, I need to be very clear that what I have said is that entering into a transition,
means that we need to be *willing* to lose everything. 
The transition journey does not mean that we will actually have to lose anything.

The TG/TS internet world is filled with stories of people losing everything while going through transition.
Virtually every one of these stories involves a transition done improperly, and generally done too quickly.

Marriage is a shared experience.
Marriage necessarily involves negotiation, compromise, and renegotiation, and new compromise.

What this means is that you cannot just talk to her;
there is nothing you can say to convince her that what you are about to do will be okay for her, too.

She will need to see through her own eyes and through her own experience,
that your changes will not be socially damaging to her.
She will need to see and to experience this over a period of time, a considerable period of time.
She will need to see and to experience that your personal portrayal of female, is not outlandish in any way shape or form.

Your situation, your marriage, is really no different in complexity or detail than any other marriage;
TG/TS/XD or not.

You can make this all work out, if you're willing to listen, and to learn, from others
who have gone before you.

If you choose to do this on your own, instead, there will be no promise of a desirable outcome.

.

Parent - By Bcomingbrenda Date 2010-06-18 00:52
In the nature of how we're all brought up to believe certain things, for certain, the journey is one that isn't likely to make sense for anyone that isn't living through it.
Heck, it's taken my whole life of fighting it to finally accept it as real. To look someone in the eye and say "yes I've always loved you but it isn't the way you've expected from a marriage" didn't convince my wife of nearly 3 decades.
Just because I've lived a lie doesn't mean I lied about loving her but back to her calling my nature "deviances", well that explains it as best as I can.
Up Topic Discussion / Miscellaneous Discussion / Living full time as a woman

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