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Up Topic Discussion / Transition Issues / Dining Out En Femme
- - By maryannk Date 2003-09-27 05:16
This is an area that requires practice and more practice.  Watch the
gender differences the next time you are in a restaurant.  I had the
most lovely time tonight in a place that knows me well and now
expects to see me en femme every weekend.  The "passing game"
is out the window if you are known.  Fine ,who really passes anyhow
and how do you know for sure that you did!!  No one laughed at me
tonight.  Just the opposite...All the waitresses and the female owner
came to my table and gave me a big hug, pat on the back and great
compliments.  Let me swallow my modesty for one minute...Yes i looked
great!..Having escaped two hours earlier from the Salon and the Hot (ouch!)
roller treatment.

I dined alone tonight...but will have a girlfriend date on Saturday night.
Eating alone is always dreary...what do you do to kill time?  Eating
alone En Femme really makes you stick out!  Now these questions:

* what do you do with your hands?
* how do you sit ?
* what do you do with your feet?
* Do you look around at other people?
* Would you talk up a storm or avoid speaking?
* How should you pick up a glass of water or wine?
* should you eat slower or chew more.
* remember to blot your lipstick, not wipe your mouth.
* All you overdressed or underdressed  compared to other women?
* Did you outdress the hostess?

Answers will be posted later class,  discuss these questions in your seats
for ten minutes and then contribute your answers.

Hugs,

Maryann
Parent - - By jamie Date 2003-09-27 13:50
i would guess for us novices
dining out with a trusted someone
would be best...just playing off
each others company and conversation
is far better than sitting there alone
wondering if every little thing is perfect.
that in itself would too stressful.

there is so much to do, but if you are
TRULY into your new role, if you are
becoming a woman by this point, just
being THAT will make you more perfect
that self-consciously TRYING to get it right.
BE A WOMAN...it is easier than trying to be
one i have found when out...which has not
been at all lately with this ankle hehehe

luv
jamie
Parent - - By maryannk Date 2003-09-28 04:06
Jamie said:

<<<there is so much to do, but if you are
TRULY into your new role, if you are
becoming a woman by this point, just
being THAT will make you more perfect
that self-consciously TRYING to get it right.
BE A WOMAN...it is easier than trying to be
one i have found when out...>>>>>

Good Point!  I sense you are doing this solo,
which is great.  Many have said that the TV
support clubs like Tri-Ess and CGS give you
a crowd to party with..but not the correct
environment in which to develop your lady-like
persona.  Too often ( from experience) crossdressers
behave like men in drag while partying in public.
The more CD's together the harder it is to pass or even
attempt to pass.  Another double bind!
Parent - By jamie Date 2003-09-28 10:02
i would tend to agree.
so
go out with a woman.
it is so much easier to feel
feminine for myself around women,
but i also do amongst those of us
transitioning (not crossdressers).

hugz
jamie
Parent - By Alana Date 2003-09-28 03:36
Beautiful Mary Ann, I glad that you are continuing pointing out what it takes to pass, and be excepted by other ladies whilst one is among them. Mem are men and they will be lured to the beauty they see. thanks.
Parent - - By maryannk Date 2003-09-28 04:40
Subj:  Answer Key

Because I was sitting alone on Friday night, I started
composing this post in my head...something to do.  Then
I put myself through the drill..the checklist:

* No elbows on the table.
* Hands together demurely on your lap
* In pants,  feet crossed at ankles under chair or
side by side on floor.
* in skirt, knees together, ankles crossed; or legs crossed.
* Do look directly at waitperson  while speaking.
* Do look around the room, at other guests.  DO SMILE!
* The power of the smile is under estimated...it can do wonders!
* Anticipate the style of dress..casual-jeans; casual-slacks, If you
  want to fit in then use your head!
* Unless formal..the less make-up the better.  Be aware of the
differences of Night vs Day makeup.
* Use your voice..however it sounds..be naturally, bubbly, relaxed.
  do not be self-conscious making the servers uncomfortable

Now I anticipated that some will find fault with the above.  Some
will write back that Women themselves break all the above rules.
Well they CAN simply because they are already Women.  YOU are
an apprentice, a frosh, a plebe, a pledge, initiate, a buck-private.
Leaving the world of men and power, you must learn the ropes and
earn your pink stripes before you can break the rules!

What are you if you imitate a woman acting like a man?...a Man!!
and if wearing a dress...you are a man in a dress!

Happy Dining!

Hugs,

Maryann
Parent - By Dianna Date 2003-09-28 16:11
Just a couple of additional thoughts:

> * Do look around the room, at other guests.  DO SMILE!
> * The power of the smile is under estimated...it
> can do wonders!


Yes, but --
You need to be careful *who* you smile at.
A woman dining alone who smiles at a man at another table, is giving a clear signal that she is available for sex;
This is NOT a good area to play around in.
Don't flirt with men when you are by yourself en femme, unless you intend to advertise availability/willingness for sex.

> * Unless formal..the less make-up the better.  Be aware of the differences of Night vs Day makeup.


Also be VERY aware of the diffrences between photographic makeup, and real world makeup.
Makeup that works best for photography, works not welll at all out in the world.
Instead of studying pictures to learn how to do makup, study women your age and social status to learn....

> Some will write back that Women themselves break all the above rules.
> Well they CAN simply because they are already Women.  YOU are an apprentice, a frosh, a plebe, a pledge,
> initiate, a buck-private.
> Leaving the world of men and power, you must learn
> the ropes and earn your pink stripes before you can break the rules!


This is just THE most important concept that anyone entering transition can ever learn.
This is THE most important lesson of transition.
Up Topic Discussion / Transition Issues / Dining Out En Femme

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